Moving to a new organization is an exhilarating time. A clean slate! A fresh start! No baggage! A shiny new boss that just picked you from hundreds of candidates in a hiring process!

Yes, it’s an exciting time. This post focuses on the relationship with the “shiny new boss” and how this relationship often morphs very quickly and the “dew comes off the rose”.

The recruitment process is by nature a courtship. We put on our best clothes, we emphasize our most attractive qualities and we bring our respective lists of what we are looking for in the other party—candidate or employer. In the role of hiring manager, the boss wants to be respected and admired. In a competitive market for top talent, he recognizes that his management style is part of the “attraction offer”. It’s a rare hiring manager that completely lets down his guard in the recruitment process and reveals all of his leadership faults.

So… you are wooed! This boss appears to be everything you are looking for. Everything your current manager (whom you’ve known for the past five years) is not. All the qualities you listed as being important to you in a manager, he miraculously seems to have. You can’t wait to be mentored by this perfect boss.

Then a couple of weeks into your new job, the dew begins to come off the rose.

Once the orientation meetings that were pre-booked by HR are no longer being added to your calendar, you can’t seem to get the boss’ ear. He travels so much and always seems to be closeted in critical meetings with the executive team.

The parts of YOUR job description that he used to handle have not been delegated to you yet and the annual budget process is starting in two weeks. You don’t have a clue of what’s been spent in current year on the budget line that you were supposed to inherit.

Your boss always seemed so patient and respectful in the interview process, yet lately he has been edgy and curt.

You have a sinking feeling that your new manager is not the ideal boss you thought he was afterall.

In my coaching of leaders in the first few months of their new role—during the onboarding phase—this scenario is repeated all too often. Many clients find themselves waking up to a reality of a boss relationship that is not what they had dreamt of finding in their new role.

It’s been my experience that the clients who are most successful in coming out the other side of this disappointment are those that take the following approach:

1. Face Up. Your Boss is Human Too
2. Have a Discussion About Mutual Expectations
3. Decide if the Gap Is Workable

In my next blog post, I will elaboarate on each of these 3 steps.

Stay tuned!